Thank You, as always for last night. For helping me to be who i really am, the weak little boy who is appropriately beneath You. You, who are superior to me. Who has every right to use/play with Your toy, Your boy, as You wish.
Some of the things that stick out in my mind from last night:
Being tied up and on display in the window, exposed for anyone who might choose to look to see me... Weak, naked, helpless to a powerful woman who is clearly superior and in charge. The sensation of the rope, against my skin, felt almost as if You were restraining me... Like the rope was an extension of You - part hug, part projection of power, part physical reminder/manifestation of my weakness. i hadn't thought of bondage like that before... i had no intention of moving anywhere You did not want me to go, so the rope's effect had less to do with limiting movement, and more an outward manifestation of Your control and my submission to that control. i'm intrigued by this.
The intense trance-like state i felt myself slip into. From the kind of hypno-focus thing You did, and from the intense eye contact. Looking into Your eyes has a deep and powerful effect on me. i can feel my mind soften. You loom ever larger to me - You seem physically larger and stronger, but mentally and psychically more powerful as well. Your voice sounds a little like it's coming from inside my head, Your words feel true...i eagerly drink them in. it's an even deeper kind of weakness i feel I think what You tell me, believe what You tell me, feel what You tell me. i'd love to explore this more. This mental vulnerability to go with the physical and emotional vulnerability.
As You looked into my eyes, You told me I love to suffer for You. i could feel Your words burn into my mind, becoming very true. Suffering humiliation and pain (while no less humiliating and painful) became desirable in a strange way because it was for You. As You slapped my penis with the crop, it hurt, one particularly forceful blow left a bruise, and a lingering reminder of the weak and vulnerable little boy i cannot /do not want to hide from You. i want to be part of what You want, what You like - even if i have to suffer some... As long as it's for You. i take so much joy in being Your good boy. What do You want to try with me?
I remember being physically penetrated... A kind of physical/emotional surrender to You... And i remember the intensity of being simultaneously penetrated, aroused, weak, exposed, and on the ground before You. It was humiliating and comfortable - as i was so fully in my true, weak, inferior self - with no hiding. i loved being there, like that, which tells me so much about how true this part of me is.
Lastly the deep calm and contentment i felt resting at Your feet, or with my head in Your lap. You so clearly superior and benevolent - comfortable with Your power, looking down at me, clearly weaker and inferior, but - so comfortable in my place. in so much of my life, i almost never feel as zen, and quiet of mind, body, and spirit as i do in those moments. And i sincerely and profoundly thank You for allowing me to feel that kind of... Completeness.
Thank You, Mistress